chaos and embarassment

replies;

benjamin: please ben, the way you phrased it. it kind of make me felt that you enjoyed watching me getting punched and kicked by her. -.-" it really sounded a bit sarcastic.

jasmine: sure, just keep quiet about this post and she'll never know about it. and also, like what i said to ben, it sounded sarcastic.


ok, well, these few days are really tormenting me. so many things are pulling me down and i really can't figure things out. first, let's start with something embarassing:

if you're thinking about BGR, sorry to disappoint you. haha... well, today at work was kind of fun. although it's not really busy, i still find myself a bit bored. no idea why. maybe because i got extended for another 4 hours? well, then all i could do was to go in and out of the kitchen's door or sit down on a chair and memorise the menu. sigh... then there was 2 pizza orders that weren't out yet, so, i decided to go in to check if the orders are ready. the oven had some minor problems so the orders were delayed for 7 minutes.

about 4-5 minutes later, i decided to go in to check the pizzas. just after i opened the wooden door and laid me right foot into the kitchen, i slipped and fell on my butt! it was like what?! i actually fell for the first time in the past 9 years! to make matters worst, there were some customers looking at me. this is so embarassing! after getting up, some of the chefs and kitchen staff laughed at me... sigh... never mind, the morale of the story, get new shoes. the shoes are losing friction already. now more to spend on. sigh.. i'll be dead-broke if i continue to expand my buying list. XD haha...

well, so many problems are indeed pulling me down. tomorrow is a public holiday. some of my church friends going to east coast tomorrow. sigh. cannot go. oh well, i'll just stay at home for a day then. i'll still be working at night. i'm doing closing tomorrow.

sigh... talking about chaos, really felt like my mind is a battlefield now. so many things are flashing through my head. information overload. to be honest, i really felt that my spilt personalty is emerging again. for some who don't know about this, well, in the past, i used to like somehow be happy for a moment and then when you turn your head and then looked back, i already lost my temper. this just happens in a split second! i myself also never knew this only after counselling. my counsellor said this is called 'blind rage'. i somehow will lose my bodily control to my emotions and then, my emotions will take over my body. in this state, my mind will enter into a semi-conscious state where i will not know what i am doing. after the whole process, i will wake up and wonder what happened.

that's the story. i really fear this. the problems these few days may become fire- starters for my rage again. i'm really being very cautious already. i really pray nothing will go wrong.