emotionally unstable

Before i start posting what i want to say, here are some replies;

ben: yup. noticed how hard it is to read. changed it already. still, i need someone to teach me to do things first!

jasmine: ya, thanks for bringing me to church. i won't be who i am now without God in my life.


Ok, well, really am a bit cranky these few days. fell sick on the first day of the year until now. this is sure 'good' way to start a new year. seriously hope i will recover by tonight (lost my voice and praying for healing).

these few days at work kind of make me a bit wavering in my emotions. i seem to trust my emotions more than anything. maybe due to the few incidents relating to deaths of loved ones in my circle of friends. maybe it's just a test, we'll start this year bad and end it grand! yea! that's the mindset. positive thinking. for those who suffered losses of loved ones, my deepest sympathies to you. hope you'll stand up once again and face life headstrong. you can do it! i trust you will!

another worst-case scenario, i somehow have a crush on a particular girl who happens to work just beside pastamania. i noticed that she sometimes will glance at me and i have no idea why am i attracted to her(cute? pretty? let's say cute). i really felt weird. seriously. i somehow really want to know her. i know i shouldn't just start a relationship like this. i hardly know her! still, the pull factor here is strong. fighting it everyday. it's like the more i fight it, the more harder to get out of this web. am i turning into a despo? i really don't understand myself... even as i type this, her image keeps popping up, her smile, face, cheerful character. darn, really hate this. or should i say this is a form of 'fatal attraction'?(attraction to the opposite gender that causes me to die spiritually?)

guys, i really don't know what to do. to be honest, yes, i do have feelings for her. just that i'm really not sure if starting a relationship with her is a good idea
many will say it's not a good one, some will say go ahead and see how the relationship work out. i really need to calm down. SERIOUSLy calm down...